Have you ever just felt like enough is enough? Maybe it was in a relationship that you knew deep within wasn’t right, maybe it was a burning desire to just book the holiday and just go? Maybe it was that stuck feeling you were feeling everyday when you sat at your desk or when you thought about your job — that feeling that something just had to change.
I know that feeling and that’s why I’ve made it my mission to help women overcome it. I know it because I used to feel it every single day.
The thought of it now (a year on, how time flies when you’re having fun!) feels like a parallel universe — a lifetime ago. But I can still remember that feeling of sadness, of being so damn scared that I’d make the wrong choice, of disappointing my family and of failing. For me it was my job; it sucked the life right out of me and had started to become soul destroying.
I’d come home and take my frustrations out on my partner and just felt so stressed out all the time. I was sad everyday because I felt so confused; I’d only been at this new job 6 months and I hated it. I pretended I loved it — the pay was great, the new car I drove was comfy, the people were nice, but I just hated it.
The one day, I reached out to a coach who gave me some great advice: Accept where you are while still working towards where you want to be.
Find your happy.
So (with her help) I started thinking about what would make me happy: helping people, being at home with my dog, writing, creating, connecting, freedom. These were the words that kept coming up for me. And so I started to dig…
What could I do? What was my purpose? How could I find it?
It took a while, investing lots of time and money into programs, working one-on-one with a coach and hours of soul searching, but I got there. I found it. And I know it would have taken even longer had I not got that help!
I found it because I made it my mission to find it. I DECIDED that enough really was enough and I HAD TO change something.
I found it because I actively searched, asked questions and looked for (and paid for) the help that I needed. I DECIDED that I was worthy of investing time and money into myself; even though at the time I didn’t feel like that yet.
I found it because I didn’t let other peoples’ opinions affect me. There were SO many people that didn’t get it. So many people that were scared for me, that thought I was stupid, and that I was worried I’d disappoint (hey and maybe I did!) but I followed what was right for me. I DECIDED that my happiness mattered the most.
In the space of three hours the other day I had very similar conversations with women. They told me that they were over it. That they needed a change. But that they are so damn scared of failing, so lacking belief in themselves and most importantly, they didn’t know what they wanted — in a job, out of life, in their relationships — and like so many of us do, they were pigeonholing themselves. Rather than thinking about how they want to feel and creating a picture of what they want for themselves, they wanted to plan it all out first, and that just never works!
You can’t plan life!
Things are always going to happen that you can’t control and that you didn’t expect — that is the beauty of life! But yet we still feel the need to plan. We need to follow what’s on the inside instead — that calling, that yearning that I know you feel sometimes to do what it is you want to do. Get the picture and focus on that; the rest will fall into place. Have faith.
Women And Power
A weekly exploration of women and power. How do you not let the fear, self-doubt, lack of motivation stop us? Reach out and get help to overcome them. Know that you don’t have to do it on your own; and don’t.
You can’t see the answer you’re looking for right now because you’re so focussed on the wrong things. You’re paying too much attention to the stuff you don’t want. If you focus on what it is that makes you feel good, what it is that lights you up, what it is that you’re passionate about and you start doing more of that, I can 100 percent guarantee that the answers will reveal themselves!
When I quit my job a year ago I followed my feelings, freedom, etc. I trusted that it would all work out. And it has, in fact it’s worked out better! I got help to keep that motivation up and overcome the self-doubt. And finding my self-belief saved me.
Yeah I would have had more money had I stayed at the job I hated. And maybe I’d be driving a nicer car and living in a bigger house and have been on more holidays, but I’d still feel stuck everyday. There is no way I’d be pregnant (the stress would not have allowed my body to grow a baby.) There’s no way that I would have this vision of my life that I do. And there’s absolutely no way that I’d be as happy and healthy as I am today.
And at the same time I am absolutely nowhere near where I thought I would have been in my business but I am absolutely 100 percent okay with that. There is no way that I would have realized that I love working with animals, that I need to work in a team and that serving people makes me happy and from that attracted the perfect casual job. Because when I was stuck at that job and all I could think about was ‘what the hell am I going to do?’ ‘how will I make money?’ ‘what will people think?’
I wasn’t creating opportunities — I was blocking them.
If I’ve learnt anything in the last year it’s that I will be okay no matter what. And you will too. Believe in yourself — trust that life is happening perfectly and if you can’t accept your situation and make the most out of it (and stop bitching about it and being unhappy) then CHANGE it.
Take one step and then another and maybe throw in a leap or two and I promise you, the ride will so be worth it! She believed she could, so she did.
Erin Reghenzani, Contributor